Body Wisdom

OUCH! It really hurts! As I get out of bed to start my day, I notice that my left shoulder and neck are stiff with pain. I try stretching and a hot shower but it does not feel any better. The day must go on. I am presenting a workshop. People are counting on me. I pop a couple of aspirins and jump into the car to drive to my session downtown.

The pain medication is not kicking in. Odd. I rarely take pain medication and when I do, I can feel some relief almost immediately. I shove the pain in the back of my mind, put a smile on my face and greet my client with enthusiasm. Usually, when I am delivering a workshop, I can throw myself into my work and forget about what ails me. Not this time. My shoulder is throbbing. I keep massaging it hoping the pain will subside. Maybe if I stand this way it won't be so painful. Maybe if I sit down to do this part I won't feel it as much. Maybe if I let my arm rest on the table my shoulder will be able to relax. Nothing works. I get through my two hours workshop with a sigh of relief. I take a couple more aspirins as I gobble down my lunch.

In the afternoon, I am attending a workshop by a well-known guru in the field of coaching, James Flaherty. I have been so looking forward to hear him speak. While my mind is enthralled by his words of wisdom, I will be able to forget about my sore shoulder and neck. Alas no. No matter how I position myself on my chair, the throbbing pain in my shoulder and neck marks every second that goes by.

James Flaherty says that our work as coaches is to lessen human suffering. Our mission is helping people become more and more alive. Two things prevent people from moving forward in their personal development: an unwillingness to be a beginner and anxiety.

Beginner's mind

If we are not willing to let go of what we think we know to explore new ways of interpreting the world, we become stuck. In a beginner's mind there are lots of possibilities. In an expert's mind (an "I know it all" mindset) there are only a few possibilities. In order to grow as a human being, we need to be willing to feel off balance from time to time and become a student of life. We need to be content with sitting with a question rather than quickly jumping to an answer.

Anxiety

According to Flaherty, anxiety happens when we feel our identity starting to loosen. We feel anxious when we sense a kind of threat or uncertainty. Anxiety comes when life's circumstances challenge our way of seeing the world. Flaherty says that we need to interpret anxiety in a different way: as an indication that something exciting is about to happen. We feel anxious when we learn something (a condition for TRUE learning). Flaherty believes that anxiety is the barrier that separates the authentic and inauthentic self. If we consider that anxiety houses a lot of energy, we then have a choice to make: use that energy to preserve the status quo or face the fear to be able to uncover our authentic self. If we let anxiety prevent us from acting, we become smaller and smaller. We can have access to a fuller and happier life if we make friends with anxiety.

James Flaherty has developed an approach to coaching called Integral Coaching. There are parts to ourselves that we cannot relate to. For example, he jokes, you step on the scale in the morning and you cannot relate to the number that appears on the scale. To become fully ourselves as human beings, we need to integrate all four parts of ourselves:

1. Personal World: our inner feelings
2. Body and Behaviour: the body has its own way of knowing things and because it can be observed objectively, people feel that it is more real
3. Relationships and Culture: the social world - our ways of living, talking and observing
4. Human and Natural: our physical environment

"As a coach, where would you recommend we start working with someone?" asked a fifty-something man in the audience. "When in doubt, start with number two, the body. The body is usually the most neglected part of ourselves." replies Flaherty.

"Huh? The body is the most neglected part of ourselves?" I repeat to myself. I work out 6 days a week. I watch what I eat: no processed foods, no sugar. I am making my local pharmacy owner very rich with all the creams, lotions and vitamins I am buying to keep my body healthy. My body is not neglected. What is he talking about?

My shoulder seems to be screaming with pain at this point. Is it trying to tell me something? OK then. Let's try this. What if my body was trying to tell me something that I have not been willing to admit to myself?

What has been on my mind lately? Lots of anxiety. I am worried about my new business. The work has dried up. I have not had any contracts in over four weeks. The only two contracts I had lined up for the rest of the year were for the end of May, and both were cancelled...on the same day!

In between the bouts of panic, I have had some moments of saneness. I have been asking myself "What am I supposed to learn from this situation? What opportunities may I be disregarding?" A friend who is a professional coach listened to me patiently as I was sharing with her my discouragement and fear. She asked me some potent questions: "What did you set out to do when you first launched your business? For the sake of what did you make such a bold step? What are your personal and professional values? Are you living them fully? How much work / money are enough?"

The answers to these questions were quite revealing. My goal in setting up my own consulting firm was to do more of what I love: teaching leadership and finding creative ways to bring the arts into my practice (for example incorporating Improv theatre, poetry and music into my workshops). As it turns out, my fear of not having enough - enough work, enough money, enough respect and credibility as a new business owner - has been dictating my choices. I have accepted any and all contracts that came my way out of a survival mentality. Those contracts have been mostly for facilitating strategic planning and action planning sessions (s0mething I do well but I do not necessarily enjoy). The work that I did do in the areas of leadership development and the arts has been far and few between and more by happenstance.

If my body could talk it might say something like this: "You are carrying a heavy burden on your shoulders. You are trying to build a successful business. To do so you are willing to take whatever comes your way and put in countless hours to get the job done even if the work does not feed your soul. There is only so much pressure I can take you know! You left your government job to pursue your dreams but you are replicating the same pattern of saying yes to everything and anything out of fear of not being needed. There is a part of you that feels that working hard justifies your existence. You tell yourself "If they need me then it must mean that I am somewhat useful to them. And if I am very busy then it must mean that I am very good at what I do." You are letting others define who you are and what you are worth. Well, I say "Enough already!" If you are refusing to listen to your headaches, to that pit in your stomach and your constant fatigue then I have to pull out the big guns and let you feel the pain. It will hurt so much that you won't be able to continue checking off those things on your endless "To Do" list, walking around zombie-like on autopilot. It will hurt so much that you will have to stop, completely. You will have to lie down on a heating pad and be bored for a while. Maybe, just maybe, this time you will ask yourself some hard questions and choose a different path. I sure hope so, for your sake."

My body is pretty wise isn't it? I think so. Now, if only I could "make friends with my anxiety" as Flaherty suggests. Anxiety is a huge source of energy. That source of energy could be canalized into creating a new path for myself. OK shoulder. I've got the message. Here I grow again. Wish me luck!