All we really want is to belong...

We had a very quiet New Year's Eve this year. My eldest daughter had her first New Year's Eve party away from the family and was thrilled to spend this momentous occasion surrounded by her friends.

My husband was busy watching Team Canada playing against the US on the TV in the basement (Some of us non-hockey fans resent having to compete with big sports events for the attention of our loved ones on New Year's Eve ... why do they schedule those games then?)

Since I was going to spend the evening at home with my thirteen year old daughter, I picked up the first two discs of the TV show Glee. I had heard all sorts of rave reviews about the show and was intrigued that the first two CD's they released were selling out at music stores.

I relate to shows about artsy geeks because I was a geek in high school (and still am ...). My daughter also relates to the characters on Glee. I don't think she ever got a Slushee thrown at her face but close ... Like those TV show characters, she stuck out like a sore thumb at her old school. Some "friends" (and I use the term loosely) only saw her off hours off school property because it would have been bad for their image to hang out with her at school. She was miserable.

My daughter has always struggled with friendships at school. When she moved on to high school, things got even worse. She spent all her lunch periods eating alone or with her nose stuck in a book at the library escaping reality through fantasy stories about vampires, werewolves and ordinary kids with super powers. My daughter was bullied everyday. She had banana peels thrown at her face, gum stuck to her hair, and yogurt smeared on her locker door. Her lock was broken into several times. She endured constant snickering behind her back and swarming. She came home one day with bloody scratches on her wrist inflicted by a girl in her class who disagreed with her ideas on how to decorate the class for Halloween. Some days I felt like I was sending her to a war zone when I dropped her off at school in the morning. My heart ached. I felt so helpless.

One night in early September last year, my daughter called her father and I into her bedroom. She was crying and pleaded with us to let her go to the art school downtown. She didn't think that she could put up with another year of bullying and desperately wanted to start a new chapter in her life. She wanted to go somewhere where no one knew her so she could re-write her story.

Even though the school year had already started my daughter was accepted at the art school (her uncle who is a teacher there put in a good word for her). My daughter loves her new school. They have put her in the gifted program. (For many years I had tried to convince the school administration to include her in the gifted program. Because she scored 5 points less on the Otis Lenon IQ Test than the mark off point for gifted individuals, they would not allow it even though some of her teachers and special education teachers observed that she had the classic behavioural markers of a gifted child. By the way, did you know that being gifted is a risk factor for dropping out of school? Gifted kids do not need to work as hard to succeed so they often rush through tasks without giving it their full attention. They understand quickly so they get bored easily. Many feel like they do not fit in because they do not share the same interests as their peers.)

Many of the kids that attend my daughter's new art school were outliers in the regular school system because of their love for arts or their cultural background. My daughter, who is also an outlier, attends school with a bunch of outliers and for the first time since she has started school, she finally feels like she belongs. In this art school, kids have a safe place to express their individuality. No one blinks an eye if a kid reads poetry in the hallway or plucks at his guitar. Girls wearing huge bows in their hair or guys wearing cowboy hats are accepted and maybe even admired for their unique sense of style. No one is shy to declare their sexual preference. It is widely known who is straight, gay or bisexual. It is no big deal. Being different is "normal" in that school.

At a parent-teacher night the week before Christmas holidays, I was flabbergasted when teacher after teacher told me that my daughter had integrated well with the rest of the students and had great social skills. Since prekindergarten, teachers had told us that our daughter lacked social skills and was not a team player. She was a loner and did not know how to make friends.

But all that changed this year thankfully. All our daughter needed was to be reminded that she was intelligent and had something positive to contribute to the world. She needed a school environment that was inclusive no matter what kids wore, how they talked, or how they scored on tests. A school that does not evaluate a kid's intelligence solely on their ability to solve math problems or spell correctly. A school where other types of intelligence are valued and nurtured. A school that embraced diversity and celebrated differences.

Howard Gardner theorized that there are seven types of intelligence. He viewed intelligence as 'the capacity to solve problems or to fashion products that are valued in one or more cultural setting' (Gardner & Hatch, 1989).

Logical/Mathematical: probably the closest to the traditional idea of intelligence, manifested by a facility for science, puzzles, and math, estimating and planning.

Linguistic: manifested by the ability to acquire language and fluency in discussion, people with high linguistic intelligence enjoy lively debate, writing letters, books, poetry and verse, and filling out forms.

Spatial: the ability to mentally map or picture the environment, a process, or a concept, spatially intelligent people can easily visualize and manipulate shapes, are highly observant, have a good sense of direction, can easily follow diagrams and assemble furniture or other do-it-yourself projects.

Musical: musically intelligent people not only have the facility for creating, remembering or replaying tunes or the playing an instrument, but can associate those tunes with other facts as a learning or memorization tool.

Body-kinesthetic: those with high kinesthetic intelligence are well-coordinated, work well with their hands, and are high-energy on-the-go people who learn through example and hands-on experience (trial and error); physically imitation. Associated professions would be as diverse as athletes, typists, carpenters, craftspersons, and dancers.

Interpersonal: the facility for understanding and cooperating other people, to notice and appreciate what affects others; sensitivity. They are good listeners and group leaders and participants; social butterflies; nurturers. Highly interpersonally intelligent people make excellent teachers, nurses, salespersons, politicians, and diplomats.

Intrapersonal: the facility for looking within oneself, of understanding one's own emotions and motivations. Highly intrapersonally intelligent people do not make quick, rash decisions and often enjoy solitary pursuits and hobbies. They often keep a journal and diary.

The Eighth Intelligence: Intuitive: Many people now believe that para-psychological abilities including intuition, clairvoyance, or feeling matters beyond our physical experience should constitute a separate form of intelligence, but such matters are certainly subject to significant debate.

In the regular school system, it is only those of us with photographic memory, an innate ability to solve logical puzzles or to regurgitate the teacher's notes word for word in a test that succeed brilliantly. The others just plod along hanging on to B's or C's, maybe even scoring an "A" here and there in subjects that tap into their particular interests and skills. The types of intelligence that are measured in a traditional school system are the logistical /mathematical and linguistic intelligences. How do we validate and reward the kids who have spatial or inter-personal intelligence in our school system? How do we encourage the kids who have spatial or intra-personal intelligence within the existing school curriculum?

Some of those kids are lucky enough to meet a special teacher who help them uncover their unique types of intelligence. For example, the teacher who noticed that Mary had a talent for sketching and encouraged her to present her portfolio to the local art school. Or the home room teacher who noticed that kids often confided in Paul because he was a good listener and encouraged him to become a peer counsellor. Or the English class teacher that allowed Josh to present his poem in the form of a rap song because he has a great sense of musicality and rhythm.

As for my daughter, teachers complained last year that she doodled during lessons. It was a way for her to deal with her anxiety. Doodling kept her hands busy and helped channel some of her nervous energy. She argued that she actually can listen better to the teacher when she doodles. I believed her. I do the same thing.

This year, her doodling has evolved into drawing Manga characters from Japanese comics. She filled up at least one drawing pad per week with her drawings. She went on Youtube and learned from other Manga artists by watching them sketch and explain their technique. At first, she copied other Manga drawings that she printed off the Internet. Then she started inventing her own characters. As time went by, she was able to render more emotion in the faces she drew. That gave her the courage to try something different. She tried her hand at drawing human faces. Her Christmas presents to her grand-parents, aunts and uncles this year were framed pencil drawings of their heroes: Leonardo da Vinci for my dad, Elvis Presley for my mother-in-law, and Bruce Lee for her godfather (who is also the phys ed teacher at her new school). She has found a place and a way to use her talent for drawing to express herself and create imaginary worlds that she hopes will entertain other teenagers when she publishes her first book ... one day.

You may have your own story about a special teacher or a coach who saw something in you that others did not see. Maybe that teacher saw something in you that you did not even see in yourself? What did he or she do to encourage you to develop that talent. What would be different today if you had not had that teacher believe in you? If you ran into that teacher today what would you say to him or her? How have they changed your life?

Have you been such a teacher in someone else's life? Is there someone in your family or circle of friends right now that is just needing to be noticed and encouraged?