"Maman! Maman! Guess what I am doing with my new friends this Friday. We are going to dress in our favourite Manga characters and go the shopping centre!" said my daughter Maya excitedly one late afternoon when she came back from school. This week was her first week back to school, officially starting secondary in grade 9. On the first day of school, the city bus that is hired to take the kids to a downtown school didn't show (I was told by the School Board that it was a pressure tactic from the union of bus drivers who are upset with the current contract negotiations - can you believe it?). Maya was stranded at the transit station having to make her way to school using the regular bus routes. That is when she met her new friend; Jan. Maya had noticed Jan right away when she got on the bus that took them to the transit station because she was wearing Manga / Anime themed clothes and accessories. (Maya is obsessed with Manga: she watches Manga on the Internet, she draws the characters,her room is papered with Manga posters and her shelves are stuffed with Manga books and toys.) As it turns out, Jan goes to the same school as Maya and is a bit older than her. She took Maya under a wing and they made it school (although they had to transfer buses three times and did quite a bit of walking).
That chance encounter in a tricky situation was serendipity. Maya looked forward to going to school every day to spend lunch time and recess with her new friend and Jan's group of friends...all obsessed about Manga. This led to their grand plan to do Cosplay at the local shopping centre on a Friday night. Cosplay is short for "costume play". It is a type of performance art in which participants don costumes and accessories to represent a specific character from popular fiction in Japan such as Manga and Anime.
Given that all these girls go to a special school for the arts and have a natural knack for performance, I guess it makes sense that parading in cartoon character costumes in public places (when it is not even Halloween) is their idea of fun. Personally, Cosplay is not my idea of fun, but as a parent who is trying to "grow" with her children and expand my horizons, the least I can do is encourage my daughter to dare doing what appeals to her heart.
I am good at encouraging other to have fun but not so good at allowing me to have fun (see last week's blog about "play".)
Gretchen Rubin, who wrote the book The Happiness Project, says that "fun" falls into three categories: challenging fun; accommodating fun and relaxing fun. I like her descriptions of fun. They resonate with me.
Challenging fun is the most rewarding but also the most demanding. It takes time and energy to organize these types of fun activities and often requires running errands. Examples of challenging fun activities are organizing a baby shower for your best friend; coordinating the United Way campaign fund raising activities for your office; putting together a vacation memories binder with photos, maps and ticket stubs; or learning a new skill like playing a musical instrument.
Accommodating fun is less challenging but still requires a bit of effort. It is the kind of fun that you do to build relationships. Some examples of accommodating fun might be going to a family holiday dinner; spending a day at the Amusement Park with the kids; or going to the neighbour's 50th birthday party. For the longest time I felt guilty to admit publicly that building sand castles in the sand box with my young daughters was not something I had particularly enjoyed. Yes, it was pleasant, but I did it mostly because my daughters liked it. Now I can fess up and say that I was having some "accommodating fun" to strengthen my relationship with my daughter's and to create good memories.
Relaxing fun is the easiest kind of fun. You do not have to improve skills or even take action. There is no need to coordinate with other people or to prepare anything. Relaxing fun is passive. Relaxing fun is the art of just being. The most popular form of relaxing fun is watching TV. For me, reading a book; watching the waves of the ocean crash on the beach; stargazing or biking in the countryside are way more fun than watching TV.
Research shows that challenging fun and accommodating fun bring the most happiness over the long run because tap into what makes people the happiest: strong personal bonds, mastery and personal growth.
Yesterday, I had some relaxing fun just sitting on the porch of my mother's cottage overlooking a lake. I felt the warm breeze on my face, listened to the leaves of the trees dancing in the wind, watched the waves on the water. I had some challenging fun working on a PowerPoint presentation for a client using the Wizard of Oz as a backdrop to talk about leadership. I finished my day of fun with a bit of accommodating fun when I treated my daughter's friends to an impromptu pizza supper after they got drenched in the rain and had to stop their Cosplay adventure prematurely.
Recognizing that there are different types of fun - some that require time and effort and others that require that you put the needs of others ahead of yours - helps me get a healthy perspective on fun. Fun is not just fun and games. (Ha!) Fun is not necessarily effortless. Sometimes, having fun requires a bit of energy and dedication. Maybe there is hope for me yet. I already know how to work hard so maybe I can work not so hard and have fun in the process.
Can you come up with your own list of types of fun? I would love it if you could inspire me to have fun by sharing with me your own list of fun things to do. At this stage, learning about fun is still challenging fun for me...
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