I am running out of time

Time. I don't have enough of it. I always seem to be running out of time no matter how much planning and multi-tasking I do...

I pride myself on being creative. And I have used this creativity many times to get a crazy list of responsibilities and errands done in one day. The internal conversation goes something like this: "On the way to dropping off my daughter to her part time job at 7:30 am on a Sunday morning (yep - no lazy mornings in this house, ever, it seems), I will drop off the overdue letters in the mailbox. On the way back, I will pick up some Tim Horton's for the rest of the family to speed up the breakfast routine. With the time I saved not cooking breakfast, I will sit at the computer and write my weekly blog. I should be finished writing the blog by 9:30 am and will go do my weekly 10 km run. On my run, I will take a detour to the video store to drop off the DVD's. When I'm back from my run, I will do a quick vacuum and clean up of the house before I leave to go clean up my mother-in-law's house who is too ill from the chemo treatments for her two forms of cancer to do it herself. On the way back from my in-law's, I will drop by the bank, return that item at the store and pick up my daughter who would have finished her shift at the cantine. That should leave me enough time to pack my suitcase and prepare my materials for my business trip tomorrow: I will be delivering three workshops back to back in three different cities in two different provinces." That is going to be my day today. Gosh. I'm exhausted just writing this down!

Yesterday, I had a booth at a Christmas Bazaar in a local senior's home. I make jewelery and Christmas decorations and I thought it may be a fun way to make a bit of pocket money for the Holidays. I was there from 7:30 am to 2:00 pm (a good chunk of time considering how hectic my life is these days) and I made a grand total of $34.00!!!! Not worth it at all. The bazaar was supposed to be open to the public and set up in the large commons room on the street level of the senior's home, but was relocated in the basement at the last minute. The only people that came, were the residents of the home. The only things that sold well were the hand knitted slippers, woolen shawls and the fruit cakes! It is almost funny isn't it?

I tried to see the positive side of things as I felt the anger (at myself) and disappointment rising inside of me while I was packing up all the unsold merchandise at the end of the day. "Well, it wasn't a complete waste of time. I met some nice people who do crafts like me. I did get to sit down and relax for a while..."

In the end, I think what that experience taught me was how our relationship with time changes with age. At the booth next to me, the lady who knitted all those slippers and shawls, (and made a small fortune selling them) kept saying to folks that knitting was a good way to pass the time. On the other side of me, there was a newly retired couple. The husband was there as moral support to his wife. He had nothing special planned for the day so he thought he might as well give her a hand. His wife said that making jewelery made the long days of February and March go by faster. She missed the hustle and bustle of her previous "life" as a decorator and designer for a big chain store so she found another way of expressing herself creatively through jewelery making. The elderly residents from the home came to the bazaar to pass the time. They said visiting the booths was a nice way to spend time on what would have been another long and boring Saturday.

All these folks seem to have too much time on their hands. Part of me was envious... I started wondering how I would feel when the kids have left home and I am retired. Given the speed at which I live my life now, would I be relieved and grateful for the extra time on my hands or bored out of my mind? One thing I know for sure is that I can't see myself being happy when buying a pair of woolen slippers is the highlight of my weekend!

So what do I take away from this experience? I really need to change to my attitude towards time.

When I was working full-time for government, I was crazy busy. In that environment, being busy often means that you are important and makes you feel indispensable. After some introspection, I had to admit to myself that being highly solicited flattered my ego. But my physical and mental health was suffering. I wanted more time. And more flexibility in my time. So I left government and started my own business. I have more flexibility now but I am just as busy, if not more. Why do I do this to myself? I just moved the problem around. I did not resolve it.

I want to take a long hard look at my relationship with time and make some real changes. My sense is that I will need to re-assess all the beliefs I have about time:

• Time is money
• I am getting older every day
• You can play only when the work is done
• Don't waste time doing "nothing"
• How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives
• No time like the present
• You may delay, but time will not.
• So little time and so much to do
  

It is 9:30 am. Time for my run. Got to go!

I think I could use a little coaching with this time obsession. Any suggestions?

Food for thought:

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8