Do you remember how to play?

I hate to admit it but I was envious... After the first 4 km of our run on a warm summer day, my husband and his running buddy decided that it was enough running for a day and returned home. Meanwhile, even though I was feeling kind of sluggish, I continued on running with my girl friend. This was supposed to be my long run of the week (I am training for a half marathon this September) and I was going to run my 10 km no matter what - that was the plan and I had to stick to the plan. (I tend to be very determined - my husband would say that I am stubborn...) After a tough 10km run I came back home to find my husband, his buddy and a next door neighbour sitting in the back yard drinking beer and having a good old time. An impromptu party! My girlfriend joined them for a while until she had to leave for an appointment. I was there physically but I could not join them psychologically because in my mind I was running through my "to do" list. The "10km run" was now checked off my list but there was still at least 10 other things I wanted to get done by end of day. I was smiling outwardly but inside, I was stressing: "I can't afford to sit back and relax right now, I have too many important things to do. No time for fun yet." Even worse, I needed my husband's help to get the biggest chore done: cleaning out the basement to prepare of a guest who would be spending a couple of nights that week. So here I was getting upset at my husband for relaxing in the sun and getting angry at myself for being unable to let go and join him.

When I did my certification in Myers-Briggs Type Inventory Levels I and II (MBTI), the trainers led us through some exercises to highlight the differences between types. I recall vividly doing an exercise that was meant to differentiate between people who are judging and perceiving. People with a preference for judging like to have closure and make quick decisions. They are the type of people who have a mile long list of things to do. Checking off an item on that list gives them immense satisfaction. People who have a preference for perceiving like to go with the flow and keep their options open. They don't like to make plans ahead of time and leave themselves lots of flexibility to seize opportunities as they emerge. If you were to plan a trip with someone who is judging on the MBTI scale they would have the plane tickets and the hotels booked way ahead of time and would most likely have a detailed itinerary for the trip that describes the planned activities for each day (what museums / sites to be visited, where to eat and even a list of local souvenirs to pick up as momentos). If you are more of a perceiving type on the MBTI scale, you might book the tickets closer to the date of departure, have an idea of where to stay on the first few nights and then trust that you will figure out what to do next as you chat with the locals or exchange tips and tricks with other tourists.

So back to the exercise that the trainer led us through. On one flipchart she wrote "I can play anytime" and on the other flipchart she wrote "I can play once my work is done". We were then asked to go stand in front of the flipchart with the sentence that most related to ourselves and explain our choices. Guess what flipchart I chose? Of course, I chose the flipchart that said "I can play once my work is done." The problem is that the work is NEVER done in my opinion so I almost never let myself play. Honestly, I don't think I remember how to play...

Which flipchart would you have chosen? Why? Are you content with your choice? If not, how can you re-establish a better balance?

A UCLA study demonstrated that at five years of age we engage in creative tasks 98 times a day, laugh 113 times, and ask 65 questions. By age forty-four, we are creative only twice a day, we laugh only 11 times, and ask a measly 6 questions. I was not surprised to see those stats but nonetheless I think it is a shame. How are we supposed to ride the constant wave of change if we don't take the time to imagine new ways of doing things, finding the humor in every day life and asking the "why" and "why not" questions more often?

I would like to reverse this trend. Ghandi said " Be the change you want to see in the world". So I will start with changing myself. This week, I will experiment living without a "to do" list and let the current of life inspire my actions. What about you?

The Power of the Mind

I was pleasantly surprised. It was almost noon on a Saturday morning and I was working out in the basement. I turned on the television to keep my mind off the boring repetitions of a weight lifting routine and the pain in my muscles. I happened to stumble on a program called Positive Living. The show is about the power of positive thinking and the attitude of gratitude.

I thought: "How odd it is that this show made it to production and is actually on the air. I wonder how host Aida Memisevic, who is also the producer of the show, made the pitch to the network executives to convince them to invest in this new approach to television. There must be a market for this type of "touchy-feely" show out there (I know that I am their target audience, even though we are in the minority...). Is this a sign that hard wired capitalists and materialists are changing? The age of Aquarius?

I wish I was the one who launched this television show on positive living. It would have brought my two loves together: personal growth and development and entertainment education. Maybe this is a growing market and there is a need for this type of television. I better get started right away on a business plan!

In this episode (#103), Memisevic interviews Debbie Muir, a sports coach best known for her work in synchronized swimming. She coached Olympic medalist Mark Tewksbury, a Canadian from Calgary. Tewksbury burst out of the water at the Barcelona Olympics in 1992 following the come-from-behind victory in the 100 meter backstroke. Going into Barcelona, Tewksbury was ranked fourth in the world and most pundits picked one of the powerful American swimmers to win gold.

Debbie Muir tells us how she helped Tewksbury achieve this goal by using special techniques to help his brain perform better. Physically, Tewksbury was on tract for a win but something was missing in his performance. Muir asked him "what is preventing you from excelling?" Tewksbury admitted that he did not feel he had what it took to beat the American Jeff Rouse, his closest contender. He had never managed to beat him. The coach asked Tewksbury to make a list of the reasons why he thought he could not beat Rouse at the Olympics. He came up with a list of over 60 reasons. Muir and Tewksbury systematically identified ways to surmount each and every one of the items on that list. They also worked on visualization techniques. Tewksbury imagined himself in the water beating Rouse for the gold medal and then standing on the podium, hearing the Canadian anthem playing and the applause of the crowd. And it worked! Debbie Muir's belief is that you get more of what you focus on. Tewksbury was creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by believing that Jeff Rouse was better than him. It was Tewksbury's brain that was a handicap to winning, not his physical ability.

Change your thinking and change your life.

You may not be an Olympic athlete but I bet you have your own personal Olympic feat you would love to accomplish, whether it is in sports or in your professional life or personal life.

• What do you believe about yourself that will help you succeed?
• Are there any beliefs, conscious or unconscious, that may prevent you from trying?
• And if you don't even try how will you succeed?

Imagine you are a coach like Debbie Muir.

• What would you tell yourself?
• What do you need to acknowledge in order to surmount your mental obstacles and unleash your full potential to succeed?

Failure leads to success

My daughter who had just started grade 7 at a large high school of 1300 students wanted to audition for the student talent show. She had been taking singing lessons for a few weeks and even though she had made some progress singing in tune she still was no nightingale... She wanted to sing a Celine Dion sappy love song for the show (not exactly what would appeal to most 13 to 18 year olds). We applauded her determination but cautioned her that she would need to practice hard to succeed in this kind of competition. One night, a month later, she announced that the auditions were the following day and that she would try out. My husband and I looked at each other with surprise and apprehension. We had not heard her practice the song or even play it on her CD player to learn the melody. She wasn't ready for the audition. She might be ridiculed and be heart broken. Wanting to shield her from disappointment, I told her that I didn't think she was ready yet. I made a mistake. She was angry with us and felt betrayed. She stormed out of the room crying. To her credit, she went ahead and auditioned anyways. She didn't make it. It did not seem to be such a big deal to her. She was happy she had auditioned. She is going to try out again next year.

Sometimes we shy away from stepping over the boundary of our comfort zone for fear of failing even though our heart tells us it needs to move in that direction to be fulfilled. The thing is, failure paves the way for success.

If we are willing, we can learn from failures. Failures are windows into ourselves. They allow us to take a long hard look at what we are lacking in order to succeed. Failures help us become pro-active. We reflect on the lessons learned and address potential obstacles ahead of time so that we can overcome them on our next attempt.

Failures also shine a light on our strengths and qualities. In order to persevere with our dream we need to reacquaint ourselves with the reason why we tried and failed in the first place. We tap into our will: the passion that fueled our desire to succeed. Failures teach us determination, resolve and optimism.

Margaret Wheatley is a hero of mine. I once heard her say that the word courage comes from the french word "coeur" (heart). To have courage means that you follow your heart. The heart gives you the strength to overcome the fear. There is no courage if there is no fear. You feel the fear (the fear of failure or the fear or ridicule, etc.) and you do it anyway.

What is it that your heart wants that your are not pursuing for fear of failure?

Take a look at this video clip about men and women who lived disappointments in their early years but persisted and went on to become leaders in their fields.

Failure Video

Some notable quotes on failure:

"The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure."
-Sven Goran Eriksson

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely."
-Henry Ford

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
-Thomas Alva Edison

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."
-Sir Winston Churchill

What can we learn from Larry King?

I recently saw an interview with Larry King on a TV show. Usually that kind of thing does not interest me but for some reason I started paying attention to the dialogue between Larry and the woman who was interviewing him. I thought to myself, it must be kind of scary interviewing Larry King! King is described as the "Muhammad Ali of the broadcast interview"

Larry King's career has spanned over 50 years. He has conducted some 40,000 interviews with politicians, athletes, entertainers and other news makers. King's style is direct and non-confrontational. He is known for his general lack of pre-interview preparation.

I don't understand. Why would he not prepare? People tune in to Larry King expecting to hear superb journalism and captivating storytelling. Why would Larry not spend time researching the life and foibles of his guests before they appear on his show? He would know what to say to trip them up, to put them on the spot. Would that not make for even better television, you know like the Gerry Springer show?

King said that the trick to being a good interviewer is to get out of your own way. He reminds himself that he is no one special. His job, as he sees it, is to give his guest a platform to speak, to be heard, to show his or her humanity. Larry said "I believe that the "I" is irrelevant to the interview. I try to remove myself completely from the equation. It is all about the guest."

The questions Larry asks of his guests are very simple. They are questions that come from his intense curiosity. "If I were just a man on the street what would I like to ask Obama? I would like to know how he likes his job. What is the hardest thing for him? What has changed as a result of becoming president in his personal life? Was that change expected or a surprise?"

Larry went on to say that he feels no need to be confrontational and that in fact, it is because of his reputation as a frank and direct interviewer that he has attracted some guests that typically shun that kind of visibility. "If I was out to "get" my guest, to catch them in a lie or to force them to reveal something that would be detrimental to their career they would not trust me. The interview would be stifled and somewhat artificial." The key to Larry King's success then is to focus on the other person. Simple and profound at the same time...

So why am I going on and on about Larry King? Well the whole point of this blog is not about Larry King as such but King's story serves as a springboard to explore the concept of being a megaphone for the voice of others.

What if we all pretended to be Larry King in our interactions in the workplace?

What if we all decided to be truly curious and interested in the people we meet?
What if through our respectful listening we could help the people we interact with to broadcast loudly and proudly who they are?
What if the boss realized that he can learn as much from his employees or the janitorial staff than he can learn from a peer or a superior? What if the boss started listening to people in that way? What if the employees listened to the boss with that new found respect?
What if in the end, it's not about finding a way to look good by making the other look bad but rather to lead the way so we can both look good together?

Food for thought:
What would you like to announce to the world if Larry King was interviewing you?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_King

Does it have to be uphill?

As I was stretching in the little park across from my house after my morning run I watched a little boy of about 6 years struggling to ride his two-wheel bike. He would put one foot on the pedal, try to get enough balance to put the other foot on the other pedal, would push forward turning the wheel once or twice and then fall off. He did that several times. I finally said: "You know, there is a bit of an uphill this way, maybe if you walked your bike to the top of the hill, turned it around and tried to pedal down the hill it would be easier." He nodded and proceeded to walk his bike up the small hill. I watched him get on again and this time he stayed on and pedaled all the way to his home (a few hundred feet away) with a smile of triumph on his face. His dad called out: " Stop! The breaks are on the handles." When you learn to go you also need to learn how to stop...

I thought this little snapshot was a good metaphor for life. Sometimes we struggle to push forward and it is an uphill battle. Some of us persist and get back on that bike again and again determined to make it up the hill while others give up. But more importantly, while we are investing all this time and effort to ride up the hill we get so focused on that immediate goal that we may not see another way, an easier way.

Somewhere deep in my psyche I have internalized the lessons my parents have taught me: "Worthy things don't come easy."; "Success is a reflection of the hard work and effort you have invested"; "If it is not worth the effort, it is not worth having." They all say a variation of the same thing: "You have to work hard for what you get."

I have lived all my life following this motto and somewhere along the way I forgot how to play and to relax and to just be ... This morning I had a Eureka moment watching that little boy learning how to bicycle. It does not have to be hard. Sometimes, all it takes to move forward is to stop, reflect and change the way you think about things.

• What am I not seeing while I have my nose stuck to the grindstone?


• What is the real reason I am doing this?


• Who am I doing this for? Is it my goal or is it the goal of someone else?


• Who am I trying to please?


• Is this the only way?


• Is there an easier way?


• How can I change my mindset so that I can actually have fun working towards this goal?

In the spirit of spring being a season of renewal I think it is an opportune time to re-evaluate the values and principles we live by.

What are the conscious or unconscious maxims you live by? Do they serve you? Or is it time for an overhaul...

Spring cleaning of your drawers of unfulfilled dreams

There is this ritual I do every Spring and Fall: the bi-annual change over of clothes from winter woollies to summer cottons and vice versa. It is a BIG job. A job that I hate. I spend weeks stressing about it before I finally grit my teeth and just do it.

I don't know why I make such a big fuss about this job. Like many things in life, the mental picture I have of the job while I listen to the nasty little voice in my head that "awfulizes" everything is much worse than it actually is.

Have you ever noticed that often the worse part of something is actually just getting started? The author would say that the worse part of writing is staring at the white page. The marathon runner would say that the worse part of running his Sunday morning 20 km training run is actually getting out the door in his running gear and start moving.

Lao Tzu said "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." How many of us have journeys buried in our soul that we have never started? Maybe they are big journeys like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or smaller journeys like finally taking that ballroom dance class?

What stops us? Any of these reasons sound familiar?:
I'm too old
I'm too young
I don't have the money
I don't have time
It is just a silly dream...

Have you ever read about those folks who boldly decide one day to leave their high paying job in the corporate world to sail around the world and thought wistfully, "Oh how I wish I could do that!" Well I did.

A few years ago I read a book entitled "Live What You Love - notes from an unusual life" by Bob and Melinda Blanchard. The authors'son was born premature with a serious heart defect. It was touch and go for a few weeks. The medical staff kept preparing the Blanchards for their son's death but he proved them all wrong. He survived. He grew up. This crisis was the starting point of the authors' journey.

"And that was it. We weren't about to take a single moment of this life for granted. We knew what love could do, and we were going to live smack in the middle of it." (p. 31)

So they left their traditional jobs, turned their lives upside down and inside out to pursue their dreams. Among other things they opened up a popular restaurant on the tiny island of Antigua in the Caribbean. Their book, Live what you love, is a story about the highs and lows of willing dreams into existence.

My challenge to you this week is to ponder these questions:

What am I passionate about?
How would my heart have me live my life?
What are my reasons not to act on my dreams?
What is one small thing I could do that would take me one step closer to realizing my most cherished dream within the next three months?

Reference: Live What you Love - notes from an unusual life by Bob and Melinda Blanchard ISBN# 1-4027-2842-5

When dreams come true

I finally got a chance to take a look at the clip on YouTube where Susan Boyle wows the crowd (and judges) on the show Britain's got talent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4

I could not help but smile and cheer her on as she sang and won people over with her beautiful voice. It was fascinating to watch the transformation: Susan Boyle's transformation from an unassuming plain middle aged woman into a star performer and the crowd's transformation from a cynical audience to entranced fans.

Who is this woman? What is her story? Boyle is the youngest of 9 children. She suffered oxygen deprivation during birth, thereby resulting in learning disabilities. Her classmates teased her because of this and also because of her appearance. She is single, never been married and presently unemployed. Singing has always been part of her life.

How did someone like Susan who suffered so many hardships find a way to nurture a grand dream like becoming a singing sensation? How did she find the optimism and the resolve to keep believing in her dream? Some of us who come from much more privileged backgrounds do not dare to imagine a rainbow-like future. Somewhere along the line we decided that dreaming big dreams would only lead to disappointments. So we stopped dreaming... We just go through life on auto-pilot grateful for what happens but not striving for that bright star that used to light up the skies of our childhood wishes.

I saw Hillary Swank (star of films such as Million Dollar Baby and Freedom Writers) speak at a conference last year. As a child, she lived in a trailer park with her mom. In high school she got involved in the drama club and acted in school plays. Acting made her heart pound and her soul soar. She decided to dedicate herself to acting even though she had a promising future in sports. She faced many adversities to realize her dream. She said something that struck me: "There is no such thing as luck. Luck is when preparation meets with opportunity."

In the case of Susan Boyle, preparation did meet opportunity. Susan was prepared. She had been singing since she was a child. But the opportunity only came because she believed in her dream and pursued it confidently. The fact that she chose to sing the song "I dreamed a dream" from Les Misérables is such a striking synchronicity...

When I was an awkward teenager suffering from a lack of friendships and loneliness, my mother gave me a poster for my room that hung there for many many years. On the poster there was a drawing of a turtle and the caption read "A turtle only moves ahead by sticking out its head." I took this to mean that if you don't dare to come out of your shell and become vulnerable to what is out there you will never tap into the magic of the universe and move forward in the direction of your dream.