Leaving a legacy

Today we celebrated my father's 80th birthday. Isn't that something? He was born in 1930 and was a child of the Great Depression; lived through the horrors of the Second World War; was in his early twenties when Elvis Presley was making girls swoon; was a new dad when the Beatles invaded America; saw the advent of the computer that took up a whole room to computers in the palm of your hand. He has so many stories to tell.

He is the patriarch of a big family, four daughters, one son, and twelve grandchildren. So many lives he touches.

The thing that I admire the most about my father is the fact that at fifty, he had the courage to go back to school to do a Masters Degree in Counselling. This was a big departure from his work as a biologist working for the federal government for over 35 years. He had always had the desire to help others. As a young adult, he had seriously considered becoming a missionary working in third world countries but life's unexpected twists and turns led him to studying science instead. Like a thirst that has not been satisfied, he felt drawn to revisit his earlier dream of helping others find peace and happiness. For one of the first time in his life, after raising five kids, he put himself at the top of his list and gave himself the permission to spend some time and money on himself. I remember watching him doing his homework on the kitchen table at night with the same verve someone would devote to writing the next Booker prize worthy book. If he was going back to school, he would do it with pride and get straight "A's".

Seeing my dad fretting over his homework, studying relentlessly, and wanting to succeed so badly was an inspiration to me. My parents both went to university and valued education. They had socked away enough money to allow every one of their five children to go to university or college. I had always known that I would go to university one day and because my parents were paying for my education, I don't think that I valued it as much as I should... I took it all in stride. Seeing my father work so hard gave me a new perspective about learning. It is a true privilege to pursue post-secondary studies in a domain of your choosing.

Education is such a strong value for my dad that he has invested money in Registered Education Saving Plans for each and every one of his grandchildren.

By going back to school at fifty, not only did my father show me the value of education, but he also gave me a more lasting lesson: it is important to honor and love your dreams and...yourself.

When I was growing up, I did not wholly appreciate my parent's self-sacrifices. They always put their children first. But I did sense that they were not completely happy or content. My paternal grandmother had suffered through raising seven children in very difficult circumstances and my father learned along the way that being a parent was tough work. Being a parent, in my father's experience, was years and years of endless responsibilities, physical and mental exhaustion and self-denial.

At some point along the way though, my father decided to rewrite the family history of the good but unhappy parent. He took the plunge. He went for it. He believed it was not too late to pursue his long time dream. He did something about it. He chose himself for once.

I tease him. He went back to school in his fifties. I waited until my forties to follow my dreams. Maybe if each generation shaves off 10 years before they allow themselves to be happy, my children's kids will be happy all their adult lives...One would hope.

A few years ago I had the pleasure of spending a day at a workshop with Stephen Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. At one point, when he was teaching us the principle of "beginning with the end of mind", he asked us to imagine ourselves at 80 years of age looking back on our lives and speculating what our children, friends, colleagues and neighbours would say was the one thing they gained from knowing us. Covey's challenge to us was to live our lives in alignment with the legacy we wanted to leave our loved ones.

I think that my father can be proud of how he led his life. I hope he knows how much he has given all of us: wisdom, pride and more importantly, love.

If you were 80 years old, looking back at your life, what would you want your legacy to be?